How to survive in Hell: chapter 2

Why does the word Hell conjure up so much fear? Why do you have to work so hard not to be there, and do exactly as Jesus says?

The answer is a bit complex, but also quite simple.

1) You’re an animal.
2) Animals think like animals.
3) For an animal to be alone, they are vunerable and open to death or suffering
4) NO animal wants to be seperated from the herd

So, when they say that God will send you out of his kingdom, and you will be alone in Hell to be eaten and tortured, it’s really just Animal Code. I’ll break it down for you.

God (Leader of the animals) will send you out of his kingdom (Herd), and you will be alone (vunerable) in Hell (a place outside of the Leaders protection), and you will suffer (being alone means it’s almost impossible to survive).

So, the Leader of the Herd says if you don’t do what he says, then he’ll send you out of the protection of his Herd, which has numbers and is protected by the Leader’s strength. And once you are outside of the herd, then you’ll be vunerable to other animals, and you may be eaten and harmed.

This is why Hell is such a painful idea. To your animal mind, you know exactly what it means. And so you’ll do anything not to be outside of the Herd.

But this is not necessary. As I stated in my first chapter on how to surve in Hell, all you have to do is organize yourself (or look for the new Leader). This is normal. This happens whenever you have a group of animals, they will always, always, always get into herds to protect themselves. And then a leader will emerge, because nature wants it that way.

So really, God gets off on his understanding. He’s really only telling you half of the story. He says that his kingdom is the only kingdom, and that if you don’t follow him, you’ll be alone. But God’s telling only part of the context. The other half of the story is that even in a place like Hell, as long as there are other humans, you’ll organize yourselves into groups for protection. And, sure enough, there will eventually be a new Herd in Hell, which is created to survive and not be harmed. So, you don’t have to worry, because nature will take care of all of this; it’s all a natural process.

So come on down to Hell. I’ll be there, and I’ll set up the Great Walls so that we can dance, sing, and laugh in our own protected city.

Don’t let those half-truth God people fool you anymore.

7 Comments

Filed under christianity, daily, funny, god, Just say it, mormon, religion

7 Responses to How to survive in Hell: chapter 2

  1. You know I’ll be there, you animal!

  2. “NO animal wants to be seperated from the herd.”

    Not all animals herd, but you’re right, humans do.

    “This happens whenever you have a group of animals, they will always, always, always get into herds to protect themselves. And then a leader will emerge, because nature wants it that way.”

    So you’re gonna be the leader?

  3. So you’re gonna be the leader?

    Yes, yes I will be. I will be a leader, because there will be many. I will be the leader of my kingdom. I know how to organize, and because not many other people do, that makes it pretty easy for me to lead. I’ll set up the walls for myself, and if anyone else wants to be on the inside of them, they’re more than welcome, as long as they swear allegience to Krom.

    You know I’ll be there, you animal!

    Sweet! Let’s talk about our feelings when we’re there :-)

  4. Obvious man is not only an animal; he is a pleasure seeking animal jut like dogs and cats, pigs, rats and mice.

    Not sure about the second two points. Buck Deer and bulls like to hang with the female of the species but drive away the other males – you never see them at the corner bar doing shots and beers with the boys.

    There is probably something inherently missing from the Y chromosome that makes males loners. As to not wanting to be alone, run with and try to control a pack of woman all day and see why it’s so easy to spotlight and kill the Buck at night or tip a bull while it’s sleeping.

  5. Man is not an animal at all, he is made in God’s image, and God is not an animal.

    As for those who tell half-truths, that ‘s you. Back up what you say with evidence, not parroted things you don’t bother to confirm in honesty.

  6. “Man is not an animal at all, he is made in God’s image, and God is not an animal.”

    You are so fucking wrong and you know it, See Site. God is the Great Ape, the King Monkey, Lord of Hosts and Bananas.

    You see, we’re monkeys, and because we’re made in God’s image, ipso facto, God is a monkey, too.

    Animals have to procreate to keep the species alive.
    Humans have to procreate to keep the species alive.

    Animals have to eat to stay alive.
    Humans have to eat to stay alive.

    Animals have to drink to stay alive.
    Humans have to drink to stay alive.

    Animals live in packs.
    Humans live in packs.

    Animals have sex.
    Humans have sex.

    Animals have hair.
    Humans have hair.

    Animals give birth.
    Humans give birth.

    Animals communicate through sounds.
    Humans communicate through sounds.

    Animals have B.O.
    Humans have B.O.

    Do you have body oder, Site See? Why? Why would an angel ever have body oder? How weird.

    Ok, now I gave you a very insightful list explaining, in detail, how animals and humans are similar. Now, you can go on to explain how humans and angels are similar (you see how fucking crazy that sounds?)

    Go ahead, make the list and we’ll talk. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

    Unless you make your list, I will damn you to the depths of Rajah, where you will burn in infinite days, along with all those that do not obey my Great Gods. Do you understand this, Site See? Can you fathom the eternal damnation you will experience if you do not follow my Gods? FOLLOW MY GODS, SITE SEE, and perhaps, maybe, you will not have to suffer much for your blaspheme that the Great Gods are not Animals.

  7. Man of humility

    “Back up what you say with evidence,”

    Oh very intelligent and wise-one, please state your evidence of God’s image?

    Oh, honest and forgiving one, please show the evidence that God is not an animal.

    As you know, we do not accept simple words as evidence.

    “As for those who tell half-truths, that ’s you.”

    Wise one, state the definition of truth.

    See Site, your knowledge is unsurpassed. The depth of your wisdom is unknown. Guide us with your understanding.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s